Day 324 - Changing of the Guard
Dear N, I don't really think about you in the same way anymore, with that hurt that makes it hard to breathe. The other night I dreamed about you, but it was so neutral, so inconsequential I can't even recall the dream now. I wonder how you're doing, how the pandemic has affected your work, your family, your life. Sometimes, I go to your wife's social media page to see what your family is up to. I know. It's stalkerish. But they are public posts. (shoulder shrug) I see these glimpses into your life and it's like pricking myself with a pin: does it still hurt? And you know what? It really doesn't anymore. I don't know if that's because sometimes other traumas can overwhelm the old ones, but I do think I've finally found some peace in that old story of us. I also don't think I'll ever get married again. I'm barely surviving the rest of parenting as a result of the first marriage. I just can't imagine ever, ever, ever, ever feeling s
