Day 350 - The Most Perfect Day

Dear N,

The memories of music are lingering tonight as the cool night air quiets my senses. I was first smitten by your incorrigible grin, but taken aback by your romance through songs. 

You were an all-out-sports guy. If I had my guesses right, I'd be willing to bet that while your family was undoubtedly thrilled by your new conviction to follow the Lord, you probably came to the bible college because it was pretty much a guaranteed way to keep playing sports. After all, it's not like there is a lot of heavy talent to compete against to make it on a "turn-the-other-cheek, let's-pray-before-every-practice-and-game" Christian college sports team. 

I mean, look at me. I played volleyball and basketball for the college and I was by no means star quality. In fact, at any other school, I would have never made the basketball team, but with only six girls willing to play the more aggressive sport, I was a shoo-in at 6' ft tall and I had more aggression than anybody knew what to do with. So, I got a lot of playing time. No more high school bench sitting for me when there were Christian colleges yearning for a few wild, rebel women to give them some semblance of an athletic program! 

Now, you...you could actually play basketball. Maybe not with the prowess of Paul Pierce, but you could actually jump more than three inches off the ground and you understood the game much better than I did.

Actually, I just realized that you and I didn't...um...we weren't together during basketball season. We got to know each other through soccer and volleyball season instead. Ha. Do you remember those dumb chants us girls would yell at the soccer matches? 

"Josiah, Josiah, you set our hearts on fi-yah"

"Gabe, Gabe, he's our babe..." (Your sister got a little pissed about that one.)

"Sam, Sam, he's the man...if he can't do it, no one can"

And I would write yours, but I'm not putting your name in here.

I was an awesome yell-leader for soccer though and with you playing the field, I was all in. One game, Dr. Pinter even awarded me with a giant ABC t-shirt for being the loudest loud-mouth in the crowd. And that was saying something because I was in a friendly cheer-off with one of the A siblings. All the sweet ways they tried to manage the unmanageable in me...

My yelling talents aside, you appeared to be the tough guy and not so much the lover, as if you couldn't care less about softer, more creative expressions like music and romance. But then again, you know what happens when you assume...

When I was first getting to know you, I took a few risks with you. I wanted to make an autumn wreath by collecting leaves and threading them on to a wire hanger.  And somehow I gathered up the courage to ask you if you wanted to go with me.  It was one of those things where I was sure that, if nothing else, past gender experience had convinced me that boys are more than likely not into strolling leisurely in the woods for an arts and craft project, but I asked you anyway.  I figured I wasn't supposed to be dating anyway and I had nothing to lose if I was just myself.
 
I'm laughing writing this, because I gave no thought to how titillating that suggestion probably was to you! It probably sounded more like this:

"Hey, hot stuff... 

Wanna sneak out to the woods for a roll in the leaves with me?"

Of course, I knew that we weren't supposed to be alone without a third-party chaperone to deter us from wild, crazy make-out sessions. But I was also completely intentional that a leaf wreath was just a leaf wreath and I had no plans on getting down and dirty with you in the woods that afternoon. Whatever may have run through your mind, you were willing, and kind, as we ventured off into the hills together. 

That day has crystallized 

into the most perfect, 

beautiful, 

untethered, 

lovely day of my whole life. 

We made plans to meet up behind the girls' dorm in the afternoon and then we just disappeared into the woods, meandering through a brilliant kaleidoscope of autumn colors and dusty sunbeams. We walked side by side and just talked while I gathered leaves for my wreath. We were still a little shy with each other...and I think I may have told you about the vow at that point, but I don't think either of us noticed or even cared about minor details like the vow when every fiber of nature felt so perfectly in tune for the first time. Breaking the college rules, of course, might have helped to invigorate us as much as the fresh October air did, but I rarely think of that when I reflect on the memory.  I don’t know how long we were out there, but I remember the dampness of the mountainside under our feet and the earthy taste of happiness in my lungs. It was lazy and quiet and exhilarating all at once and it was just us...just us in the whole wide perfect world, among the trees.

Was it like this for you?

Or maybe it was just me...

Still, that was the day that I knew I would never be able to just walk away from you.

After that, we tumbled into all-nighters on the phone, singing songs to each other while they played on the radio, waking you up early to see the sunrise, flirting glances, looking for the other at the cafeteria or at the gym, helping you with math homework while we sprawled out on someone's living room floor...   

I have no idea why, but if I remember right, 

you picked Britney Spears' debut hit as our song 

- probably just because it was hugely popular at the time. 

When I listen to the lyrics more carefully now, I grimace,

thinking, well, that song never boded well for us! 

(It actually played out a little too accurately...) 

A little later, you added "There She Goes" by Sixpence None the Richer. 

(Much better pick that makes me smile with a tinge of sadness)

But I was definitely surprised that you connected with me through music.

I never expected that from you.

I was trying to expect nothing at all from love.

And as fate seems to insist on torturing our hearts' greatest desires, the universe gave me all the things I was determined to not look for.