Day 342 - Three Secrets

We're flying to Virginia on Thursday for a Christmas memorial.

I've been so strung out waiting for the next thing to happen after too much happened already that I'm almost dreading it. And yet, I know I need to follow this path too....
through family and the Blue Ridge mountains and coffee with a few old high school friends. 

I don't want to talk about grief anymore. But I know we will.

I know people will talk to me and hug me and I'll say things. 

Reasonable things, sharp things, distant things, thoughtful things, and bittersweet things.

We'll remember funny things, mad things, confusing things and the deepest of regretted things. 

I also know that we'll make more Christmas memories. 

Maybe gingerbread houses, maybe puzzles, and maybe caroling and cocoa and laughter. My kids are hoping for snow and I'm anticipating that sharp, damp mountain air, filling my aching lungs. 

My sister is dearer and dearer to me as I watch how diligently she lives to not only care for herself, but also love others around her. She always makes her home feel like home. My mom amazes me with how much she loves even when she has lost so much, how she fights for good even when she's not sure what that is supposed to feel or look like. And every other person around us who is grieving their own loss. They are each the bearers of their own heartaches, knowing love, but also knowing the sorrow of loss. 

If I had the superpower of Dazzling Clarity for one moment, I'd dare to wonder if this human journey is to feel love and touch love, to lose love and grieve love...and then to hold on to the faith that love is never only human. 

It never dies. It never goes away. It only grows and grows and grows. 

I know. To many, this is exactly what god is.

And I can agree.

Love is god.

But we can debate syntax and theology another time.

Tonight I want to share a story that I wrote for Julian and Sophia last year.

When I first wrote it, I imagined more traditional images to illustrate the words. But the more I thought about life and hurt and love and hope, the more I wanted the images to really resonate with not just the ideal, but the real. So here it is. This is for everyone who has looked for love in the human experience and has struggled to hold on to hope. This is for me.

~ ~ ~

Three Little Secrets

A little bird told me three secrets one day

Three little secrets she sang to me on my birth day

A softly chirruped lullaby while in my cradle I lay

A little bird told me three secrets one day

You are Loved.

You are Worth it.

You are Always Okay.

My mama told me three secrets one day

Three little secrets to remember as I play

With my friends or when they've all gone away

My mama told me three secrets one day

You are Loved.

You are Worth it.

You are Always Okay.

A little dog told me three secrets one day

Three little secrets he barked loudly as if to say

When you take the courage to jump, or choose to stay

A little dog told me three secrets one day

You are Loved.

You are Worth it.

You are Always Okay.

My papa told me three secrets one day

Three little secrets to help me find my way

When I feel scared and the world is dark and gray

My papa told me three secrets one day

You are Loved.

You are Worth it.

You are Always Okay.

A little flower told me three secrets one day

Three little secrets whispered one morning in May

When I've forgotten the steps, just remember to sway

A little flower told me three secrets one day

You are Loved.

You are Worth it.

You are Always Okay.

My love told me three secrets one day

Three little secrets for our babies to say

Through the ups and downs, no matter what may

My love told me three secrets one day

You are Loved.

You are Worth it.

You are Always Okay.

I heard a little bird tell three secrets one day
The same three secrets from that long ago day

A sweetly twittered lullaby for my own sleepy babe

I heard a little bird tell three secrets one day

A story of loss and adoption

You are Loved.

You are Worth it.

You are Always Okay.